I didn’t even know what to tell my doctor. I thought it through in my head a million times and yet when it came down to it, all I could do was cry. It was so over-whelming. Where do I even begin? I felt like I didn’t even know what to tell him first. Since the trip tohugh, I feel so much better. All the shit I felt is slowly becoming invisible. I mean I am still human, I still cry and get mad and feel shitty some days, but not half as bad as I was before hand. Maybe it’s psychological but I couldn’t really give a shit. If it’s changing who I was for the better, then fuck it, prescribe me all the pills you like. The shit I take now just makes me calm as fuck which makes me less irrational which in turn, stops me from making dramatic blinded-by-rage decisions. As for my relationship crisis, I feel in control now. I’m just doin’ me now so if he doesn’t like it, well then I’m afraid you gotta gooooo.
And just like that, something that meant so much to you, something that you lived for, just disappeared. Vanished into thin air. I basically held our relationship on a thread and all you had to say was ‘sorry to hear that’. That completely took my breath away. What an earth have I been fighting for for 13 months? Feel really lame and shit and so embarrassed for ever trying to make it work.
